As life happens we all get hypnotized by and engrossed in the events of our daily life. Our Defensive Self is continuously on guard watching out for problems, pain, and possible failures. It feels that it must be ready and able to tackle both life’s little and big disasters. God knows it finds the “danger” even where it does not exist. It is persistently on edge, worried, and trying to maintain control.
On the other hand, our Emotional Self is full of emotional reactions. It feels joy looking at a beautiful sky, it is upset watching a child crying, horrified by an accident on the road, and tickled by a lover’s text message‒all within one hour. It is continuously thrown from one emotion to the next like a child would.
As you can see, there is a tremendous amount of commotion going on inside of us every moment. These two aspects of ourselves, our Defensive Self and Emotional Self, are very reactive and identified with the “drama” of life. Thank God that we have the third aspect, our Expanded Self, the witness who can compassionately and peacefully observe the drama and not get involved with it. It can watch the movie of our lives and know that we’re not the movie, events, circumstances, or the interpretations. We are pure awareness.
Our Expanded Self knows itself as pure awareness, peaceful and all knowing. This is the essence of you: your True Self, beyond the body, mind, and personal reactions. As much as possible, rest yourself. Sit in the big arm chair of your Expanded Self and watch your Emotional and Defensive Selves. Peacefully and gently guide and relax them.
I train people in the art and craft of self-coaching. We all need to learn to be our own best parent/friend. This is a daily practice. Just like parents need to check on and support the kids, you and I have to coach our two inner kids lovingly offering compassion as well as practical guidance. It sounds easy, but it’s not. These skills take time and the right training to develop. Do yourself a big favor and get those skills so that your two more vulnerable parts come to feel safe and happy. When you do that, one day you will find that they too will pull their little chairs and sit by you, joining the peace, and what a relief that would be.
To learn more about your inner selves and how to manage them, sign up for a one on one session with me!