The answer to your inner happiness is freeing your Emotional Self.
All the stages of our evolution are living within our Emotional Self: the baby, the child, the adolescent, and the adult. Nurturing parental love is necessary throughout our emotional development, especially in the early stages. When any one of these stages is disrupted, our needs are not met, our feelings become fragmented. As a result, our natural development is compromised and the smooth transition from stage to stage is interrupted. It makes sense that it is beneficial to access the earliest stage that was disrupted.
By re-experiencing the emotional reality of it, including unmet needs, pain, and fear, we can release repressed emotions and give ourselves the nurturance needed to heal and complete that stage successfully. At a young age, when our needs are not met, we get angry. This anger is a natural reaction. It is a cry for help and a protest against being ignored. Most of us were trained to repress pain and anger. When these feelings are repressed, excess neurotransmitters and other neuro-chemicals flood the brain and the whole system. Our receptors get clogged. As a result, a state of toxicity develops, which is a source of future emotional and physical disease.
The excess neurotransmitters overexcite the nervous system, causing symptoms that range from mild anxiety to mania or violent feelings. These symptoms are healing events and it’s best if they are not suppressed. If handled properly, these symptoms will not escalate to actual violence. When pain and anger are trying to surface and release, it is important to redirect the expression of these emotions towards the original abusers or wrongdoers as they live in our memory. I must stress this should be done as part of a therapeutic process within our private emotional work, not any other way. Only when the anger and pain are expressed within a therapeutic process toward whoever feels like the source, can these feelings be released effectively. The inner support of our expanded self, acting as our inner parent and guide, helps the healing process of these early memories.
At times, it takes some soul-searching and peeling off layers of hurt to truly discover why we are angry. Misdirected anger is very common. It can get triggered by our spouse, a neighbor, or the news. Instead of looking for the origin of our anger, we explode or attack the person or event that triggered it. These explosions can be called vicarious detoxification crises. Misdirected explosions don’t remove repressed emotions; they only serve to continue the cycle of toxicity and our inner suffering.
Imagine that you are your own therapist. Whenever you feel upset, take a minute before you react (if possible) and contact your emotional self. Find out what is the feeling that is surfacing. What is it connected to? And ask your emotional self, what does it need to feel better? As much as possible, see if you can provide for that need. There are times when a situation is beyond our control, in which case we can still provide our emotional self with a sense of safety and inner security by being supportive of their needs.
The more you lovingly and with great wisdom, take care of your emotional self, the happier you will feel and the smoother and more peaceful your life will become.